Versatile men—also known as verse gay guys—walk a unique line in queer sexual culture. They’re not just tops. They’re not just bottoms. They’re the ones who say, “Why not both?” and mean it. But despite having the best of both worlds, being verse comes with its own set of problems that are rarely discussed. For something that should be celebrated, it’s still widely misunderstood.

Sexual roles within the gay community tend to be oversimplified. You’re either the “man” or the “woman.” It’s a binary that feels outdated, especially in a community that should understand fluidity better than anyone. Yet, verse guys often find themselves dismissed, misunderstood, or treated as if they’re indecisive or just trying to please everyone. Truthfully, most are very clear about what they like—they just happen to like it all.

Being verse is empowering, sexy, and freeing—but it isn’t always easy. From having to constantly explain yourself to the awkwardness of deciding whether to douche, it’s a whole experience. If you’ve ever been in this position (pun intended), you’ll definitely relate. Here are nine struggles only verse gay guys will truly understand.

1. Everyone Thinks You’re a Bottom in Denial

One of the most common misconceptions is that being verse is code for “actually a bottom, just not ready to admit it.” It’s the queer equivalent of calling someone bicurious instead of bisexual—invalidating and wrong. Verse guys are not ashamed bottoms. They’re versatile because they genuinely enjoy both roles. That pleasure isn’t diluted; it’s expanded. Dismissing a verse man as a bottom-in-hiding ignores the joy and confidence that comes with knowing and owning both roles.

Bottom Stigma Still Follows You

Even when you’re verse, you can’t escape the stereotypes aimed at bottoms. There’s this persistent belief that bottoming makes you less masculine, less dominant, or somehow less desirable in hookup culture. It’s ironic because many verse guys actually embody the traits people often associate with tops—confidence, strength, and dominance. Yet, the second they admit to enjoying bottoming too, it’s like they lose points. That stigma sticks, whether it’s fair or not.

2. You Never Know Whether to Prep

One of the most awkward parts of being verse is the uncertainty around preparation. Should you clean out before the date? What if he only wants to top? Or worse, what if you prep and then he prepped too? Welcome to the eternal dilemma. You either commit to bottoming early or risk having to pivot on the spot. The truth is, spontaneity sounds sexy until you realize someone should’ve prepped, and neither of you did.

3. Your Last Hookup Dictates Your Next One

Did you bottom last time? Great. That’s who you are now—forever and always, according to your hookup. People love to assign fixed roles based on a single encounter, forgetting that sexual preferences can shift day-to-day, even hour-to-hour. Just because you got railed once doesn’t mean you don’t want to flip the script next time. For verse guys, it’s not about switching it up for the sake of novelty—it’s about being in tune with your body and your partner in the moment.

4. You Constantly Have to Explain Yourself

Being 100% versatile confuses a lot of people. They don’t get it. They think it means you’re secretly leaning top or bottom, just not ready to commit. But real verse guys know it’s not about picking a favorite. Some days you want to top. Other days you want to be dominated. Sometimes the vibe just hits different. You don’t need to justify it. Still, it feels like you’re always trying to convince people that you’re not confused—you’re just flexible.

The Science of Versatility

Sexual preferences can fluctuate due to a mix of psychological and biological factors, including hormones, attraction, emotional connection, and yes—who had the better cologne that night. Being verse isn’t an identity crisis. It’s sexual intelligence.

5. Missed Connections Because of “Role Requirements”

This one’s painful. You meet someone you’re totally into, only to find out they only hook up with strict tops. Or strict bottoms. And here you are, ready to match their energy—whatever it is—but you get dismissed because your profile says “vers.” They think you’re not top enough or bottom enough. The logic is flawed, but it still happens. You’re constantly being weeded out of options, not because you can’t fulfill a role, but because you can fulfill both.

6. Hookup Roulette: Your Role Is Chosen for You

If your date is a bottom, you’re expected to top. If he’s a top, you’re suddenly the bottom. Rarely does anyone ask, “What do you feel like tonight?” Verse guys often feel boxed into doing the opposite of whatever their partner prefers, rather than being asked what they want. And let’s be real: some nights, you really don’t want to be the one giving. Or receiving. You want the option to decide—not default.

Why Flip-Fucking Is the Dream

When two verse guys find each other and actually communicate, it’s magic. Flip-fucking? Iconic. It’s the sexual version of harmony—balance, rhythm, and shared power. But it takes vulnerability and trust to get there, and that’s not always easy to find.

7. Figuring Out Your Role in a Relationship

Relationships often crave structure. One partner becomes the giver, the other the receiver. But when both partners are verse, that balance isn’t automatic—it takes conversation, compromise, and clarity. It doesn’t mean you can’t make it work, but it may involve extra effort. Who tops most of the time? Who preps when you’re in a rush? These aren’t dealbreakers, but they are discussions that need to happen.

Communication Is Key

If you’re in a relationship with another verse guy, it’s important to keep communication open about who wants what and when. Don’t fall into the trap of assuming roles will sort themselves out. They won’t. Talking honestly about your needs keeps resentment from building up.

8. Being With a One-Role Partner Can Feel Limiting

Dating someone who is exclusively one role—whether top or bottom—might seem like a good balance, but over time it can feel one-sided. As a verse guy, you may start missing the other side of your sexual expression. Maybe you’re tired of topping all the time. Or you start craving the intimacy and vulnerability that comes with bottoming, but your partner can’t or won’t go there. It creates tension, sometimes silently.

Long-Term Satisfaction Matters

Sexual compatibility goes beyond mechanics. It’s about satisfaction, excitement, and mutual fulfillment. If you’re not getting what you need in a relationship—even if everything else is great—it can chip away at your happiness. Being honest about your needs isn’t selfish. It’s healthy.

9. You Feel Invisible in the Sex Conversation

Let’s face it—tops and bottoms dominate the sexual conversation in gay culture. Whether it’s memes, apps, or hookup lingo, it often feels like there’s no room for verse identities to exist outside of punchlines. It’s ironic, considering so many gay men are secretly or openly versatile. But because the community often speaks in extremes, verse guys end up in a weird gray area that feels isolating. And no, saying “just say you’re versatile” doesn’t solve it.

Representation Still Matters

It’s time for gay media, dating apps, and cultural spaces to reflect the full spectrum of gay sexuality—including verse guys. More openness and less stereotyping would go a long way toward building a community that honors all expressions of desire.

The Verse Life Is Worth It—Even with the Struggles

Yes, there are challenges to being verse, but there’s also something empowering about refusing to be boxed into one role. Embracing versatility is about knowing yourself, communicating well, and choosing pleasure without labels getting in the way. It might not always be easy, but it is always valid.

Let’s Keep Talking About It

If you’re a verse guy, or you’ve dated one, what’s been your experience? Have you faced any of these struggles—or do you have more to add to the list? Share your thoughts, rants, and verse victories in the comments below. This is one conversation the community needs to keep having.