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Trans Grindr Attack Shows We Need Gay Online Dating Safety Tips Now

by | Nov 21, 2023

In this article we will share five gay online dating safety tips to keep you safe when meeting Dadbod101, anonnextdrr, or daytssonly on Grindr, Scruff or Jack’d. 

But why now? Why are we reviewing a topic we’ve covered numerous time? As you know our community has it hard in the realm of online dating. 

We’ve just been smacked in the face with a reminder with a harrowing incident in Houston, Texas. Tayla Smith, a transgender woman, suffered a brutal attack on a first date with a man she met through a dating app. This tragic event brings to light the pressing need for heightened safety awareness and measures within the gay online dating community. 

What Happened to Tayla Smith?

Tayla Smith’s ordeal began as an evening filled with potential and promise. After connecting with Kordel Stewart on a dating app, Tayla hoped to find companionship and understanding. 

Sound familiar?

She had been cautious, discussing her transgender identity with Stewart and sensing no red flags. The date initially followed a typical pattern: 

  • watching a movie
  • sharing a meal
  • enjoying each other’s company

All seemed well until…

The night took a sinister turn. Stewart, under the guise of intimacy, allegedly attacked Tayla. She stated he pinned her down and slitt her throat with a concealed knife. The assault led to a violent struggle, during which Tayla bravely fought for her life.

Although she sustained injuries, she managed to escape and seek help. Stewart’s arrest and the subsequent charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon bring little solace. His arrest demonstrates the perils that can lurk within online dating encounters.

Why You Can’t Ignore Gay Online Dating Safety Tips

The LGBTQ community often find themselves navigating a dating landscape rife with potential dangers. Transgender people are more at risk that cisgendered people. 

Online platforms, while offering connection opportunities, can sometimes serve as gateways for those with harmful intentions. The attack on Tayla Smith is a potent reminder of these risks.

You need to be vigilant and employ protective strategies now more than ever.

Life-saving Gay Online Dating Safety Tips

Our intention with this blog post is to remind you of how to stay safe. We need to protect each other, and this is our way of trying to help you. 

Let’s jump into five failproof ways to drastically increase your safety when dating online. 

Video Chat Before Meeting 

Before you jump up and head over to that blank profile on Grindr, hold your horses. You know which profile we are referring to… The one that says “hungry hole, blindfolded and ready.”

If you’re horny, you’ll probably jump at the chance to take that think to pound town. But, be weary because you never know who is waiting for you upon  arrival at your destination. A video chat can confirm the person’s identity and give you a sense of their true intentions.Failing to video chat can lead to deceptive encounters, where one’s true identity or harmful intentions are masked.

Use a video chat as an opportunity to discuss expectations, boundaries, and get a feel for someone’s personality beyond text messages.

But, there’s more you can do. 

Inform Friends or Family of your whereabouts

Keeping loved ones informed adds a layer of security, as they can act swiftly if something goes wrong. Without someone knowing your whereabouts, there is no safety net if you find yourself in danger. Consider establishing a check-in system with a trusted person for added safety.

We recommend you setup location sharing on android or enable timed location sharing on iPhone. In doing so, you don’t need to reveal your true intentions (to get a quick lay) to your friends or family. And, you can stay safe. 

Even still, there’s more you could do to increase your safety. 

Meet in Public First 

Public settings offer safety and visibility. The presence of others can deter potential harmful behaviors.Private or isolated locations increase the risk of unobserved aggression, making it harder to seek help.

When meeting someone new we recommend you choose familiar, crowded places. Consider daytime meetings for the first encounter. in the event something fishy happens, it’s easier to escape in broad daylight. 

And lastly…

Go With Your Gut 

We get it, this one is hard… especially if you are being enticed by a nice, delicious peach and beautiful set of eyes. But, Intuition can be an early warning system, alerting you to danger before it escalates. Ignoring uneasy feelings can lead to staying in potentially harmful situations. 

Get out if you feel uncomfortable. It may be awkward for your date, but you gotta keep yourself first in mind. 

But what to do if you feel you cannot get out?

Order an Angel Shot 

An Angel Shot is a discreet way to signal to staff at a bar or restaurant that you are in a dangerous situation and need help. Without this knowledge, you might feel trapped in a threatening situation without an inconspicuous way to seek help. Familiarize yourself with this code and check if the establishment you’re visiting is aware of it. It’s a subtle yet effective method to request assistance.

Do You Have Other Gay Online Dating Safety Tips?

We now turn to you, our readers, to help enrich this conversation. Share your experiences, advice, and thoughts in the comments. Let’s create a forum of collective wisdom and support. Every contribution, every story, can help someone respond to these unsafe situations more safely. 

Remember, our unity in facing these challenges is not just our shield but how we help each other. 

In our quest for love, companionship, and meaningful connections, the importance of safety is paramount. These comprehensive safety strategies, coupled with a community-driven approach to awareness and support, are key to fostering a secure and inclusive environment

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Sean Kivi

Sean Kivi


Sean Kivi holds a master's degree from the University of Nottingham in translation studies from Spanish to English. He specializes in writing about gay culture and its influence on discourse. Sean speaks Spanish fluently and focuses on translating gay-themed literature to English and analyzing the discourse to understand how our culture is universal yet distinct in countries worldwide. He has translated for authors in Mexico and completed case studies related to machismo and its influences on gay culture in Latin America.

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