Can you remember the last time you sent your partner an unsolicited eggplant rather than texting, “have a good day?” Well, if you can’t, it’s time to get your mind in the gutter because sexting can massively help your relationship. Maybe it’s best to refrain from unwanted nudes since that can leave people feeling vulnerable. But, a good sext can lighten the mood and signal to your partner you want some fun. Sexting isn’t uncommon. A formal study published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior shows that 3 out of 4 young adults engage in the act. The same journal showed that 64 percent of people had received a sexually explicit picture message – we don’t support this because it’s disrespectful. 

Sexting is more than just flirty messages sent by people who want a quick hookup. It benefits people in long-term relationships. The study continued to show that people reported greater positive consequences from sexting when in a relationship than those who weren’t. So, if you want to improve your relationship, you need to get in the habit of sending dirty messages. No, not a chocolate-covered banana – but flirtatious messages that show your partner you’re open for fun. Here are some tips to help you get into the habit of sexting and ease them into the idea. 

Start By Testing the Waters

Grab your new sexy underwear, put them on, and send this to your partner, “Just bought a new jock, wanna see?” The initial message will help you gently test the waters and see how your partner reciprocates. If you’re lucky, he might respond, “I want you waiting in it when I walk through the door.” If he doesn’t, the message still lets him know that you’re feeling in the mood. It’s a safe way to bring some sexual energy into your relationship and definitely, a great form of role-playing. When you’re comfortable, start to move away from being subtle and into explicitly sexual. 

Share An Experience That Turned You On

You can grab inspiration for your sexting from anything. It can help you choose the best way to approach it. You could try talking about a scene from a movie that got you hot and bothered and explain why. It can show your partner that you want some action. There’s no right or wrong way to sext so do it in a way that pleases you and respects your partner. 

Make Sure Your Partner Wants It

If you initiate sexting, keep in mind it will be more rewarding when you’re both engaged. Perhaps your partner will not know how to respond, and if you’re both new, that is acceptable. A rule to follow is that you should be getting as much as you’re giving. If you aren’t getting more than a one-word response, use explicit emojis to elicit a response. If all fails, try the ‘ole, “what would you do to me if you were beside me right now?” That one can be a bit boring, so buy a vibrating buttplug and give him the remote. Tell him to use it whenever he wants.

Get Creative

Try using new adjectives and verbs, and don’t be afraid to make them sexual. The more adjectives you use, the better your partner can have a steamy mental image that can elicit a response. Make sure the response you elicit won’t turn their banana hammock into a tent. That is a walking disaster in the office. NRBs happen to everyone, but when our partners talk dirty to us, the erection is usually much harder. 

Have Fun

When sexting becomes a chore, you should stop. Never reciprocate if you feel pressured, and remember that your relationship isn’t only based on sex. sexting will ideally increase your romantic attraction and improve your emotional relationship. 

As gays, we are blessed with the ability to be raunchy whenever we want. Gay culture is built on sex, so use sexting to your advantage, and in the words of the Spice Girls, “spice up your life.”