Let’s be honest—nobody is lining up with excitement for a doctor’s glove and a finger wave. The idea of an annual prostate exam sends shivers down the spine of even the bravest men. But fear, embarrassment, or awkwardness shouldn’t stand between you and a long, healthy life. If you’re rolling your eyes or clutching your pearls, it might be time to think again. Because skipping that quick doctor’s visit? It could cost you way more than just a bit of pride.

Across North America, prostate cancer remains one of the most common types of cancer among men. While treatments are improving and awareness is slowly growing, the stigma around prostate health—especially for queer men—remains frustratingly thick. This isn’t just about discomfort or old-school masculinity. It’s about breaking through the silence, removing the shame, and taking care of our bodies before it’s too late.

This article is your no-excuses guide to understanding why your next doctor’s appointment should include an annual prostate exam. From stats that hit hard to new info specific to LGBTQ men, we’re serving you facts with a side of sass. It’s time to talk about your prostate. And yes, that means your booty.

What Exactly Is a Prostate Exam?

The prostate exam is a short but vital procedure used to screen for prostate abnormalities, including cancer. The most common types include the digital rectal exam (DRE), where a healthcare provider gently inserts a lubricated, gloved finger into the rectum to feel the size, shape, and texture of the prostate gland. There’s also the prostate-specific antigen (PSA) blood test, which checks for elevated PSA levels that might indicate inflammation, enlargement, or cancer.

Neither test is particularly glamorous—but they’re fast, usually painless, and critical for early detection. Most men describe them as awkward rather than painful. It’s two minutes that can add years to your life.

The medical community recommends beginning prostate exams around age 50 for most men, but for those with higher risk—including Black men, those with a family history of prostate cancer, and gay or bisexual men—screenings may need to start earlier. Your doctor can help determine what’s best based on your personal risk profile.

The Statistics You Can’t Ignore

According to the American Cancer Society, roughly one in eight men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in their lifetime. It’s the second leading cause of cancer death among American men, just behind lung cancer. Each year, more than 288,000 new cases are expected in the United States, with an estimated 34,700 deaths.

Those are more than just numbers—they’re wake-up calls.

On the flip side, more than 3.1 million American men who have been diagnosed with prostate cancer are still alive today. That’s because, when caught early, prostate cancer is highly treatable. The five-year survival rate for localized prostate cancer is nearly 100%.

That kind of success is only possible through early detection, and early detection starts with regular screening. Waiting until symptoms appear—like trouble urinating, blood in semen, or pelvic discomfort—often means the cancer has already progressed. Regular checkups can catch abnormalities long before you feel anything wrong.

Why Queer Men Are at Greater Risk

Here’s where the conversation takes a more personal turn. For queer men, there’s an added layer of complexity and risk. According to findings in the groundbreaking book Gay & Bisexual Men Living with Prostate Cancer, edited by B.R. Simon Rosser, Jane M. Ussher, and Janette Perz, queer men often delay or avoid prostate exams due to embarrassment, fear of discrimination, or a lack of LGBTQ-friendly healthcare providers.

In an interview for Mainly Male, Rosser explained: “While prostate cancer is the most common invasive cancer in gay men, it’s still incredibly stigmatized and hidden.” That stigma contributes to later-stage diagnoses, poorer outcomes, and lower quality of life for gay and bisexual men.

Add in the fact that many LGBTQ individuals may already face systemic healthcare barriers—like homophobic providers or a lack of inclusive sexual health conversations—and it’s no wonder prostate health isn’t top-of-mind for many queer guys.

We have to change that narrative.

Let’s Talk About PrEP and Prostate Health

You might be surprised to learn there’s some fascinating research connecting PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) and prostate cancer. A study focused on HIV-positive men revealed that those using antiretroviral therapy—like Truvada—might experience a protective effect against certain cancers, including prostate cancer.

That doesn’t mean PrEP is a magic shield. But it does point to the importance of integrated care: your HIV status, medication routine, sexual health practices, and cancer risk are all connected. Being on PrEP or TaSP (treatment as prevention) is part of a comprehensive strategy to keep your health in check, not just your HIV risk.

If you’re already seeing a doctor regularly for PrEP prescriptions or sexual health screenings, ask them to add a prostate exam to the mix. It’s a natural next step and takes advantage of a healthcare rhythm you’ve already established.

Why Men Avoid Prostate Exams—and Why They Shouldn’t

Let’s be real: the physical act of a doctor sticking a finger up your bum can feel like a scene out of a comedy sketch. The vulnerability, the awkwardness, the post-exam shuffle? It’s easy to understand why many men avoid it like jury duty.

But here’s the thing: prostate exams are over in less than a minute, and they can save your life. Avoiding them because of fear or discomfort is like ignoring a fire alarm because it’s annoying. It’s not brave—it’s dangerous.

Beyond the physical discomfort, there’s also a mental and cultural stigma. Many men, especially older generations, equate rectal exams with shame or emasculation. That toxic masculinity does no one any favors. If you’re confident in your masculinity—or just confident, period—there’s nothing weak about taking care of yourself.

What to Expect During the Exam

Knowledge is power, and knowing what to expect can ease a lot of anxiety. During a DRE, you’ll be asked to either bend over the exam table or lie on your side with your knees pulled up. Your doctor will insert a gloved, lubricated finger into your rectum to feel your prostate. They’re checking for unusual size, lumps, or hardness.

It’s uncomfortable, sure, but it’s over quickly. Some men report pressure or mild discomfort, but most say it’s not nearly as bad as they feared. It doesn’t hurt, and there are no long-term effects from the exam itself.

The PSA blood test is even easier—just a standard blood draw. If your levels are high, your doctor may recommend follow-up testing or a biopsy to rule out cancer.

Getting Over the Mental Hurdle

Changing your mindset is often the hardest part. Reframing the experience as an act of self-love and self-respect—not humiliation—can help. You’re not just getting your prostate checked. You’re showing up for your future, your family, your partners, and your community.

If embarrassment is your biggest block, look for a doctor who makes you feel comfortable. Seek out LGBTQ-friendly clinics or ask your network for referrals. You deserve a provider who respects your identity and understands your needs. Healthcare should feel safe, not scary.

Many LGBTQ health centers now offer prostate screenings with culturally competent staff. Whether you’re in a big city or a smaller town, organizations like GLMA and OutCare Health can help you find inclusive providers.

When to Start and How Often to Get Checked

Most guidelines suggest men begin screening around age 50. However, those at higher risk—including African American men and those with a family history—should start between ages 40 and 45. For gay and bisexual men, it’s worth discussing earlier screenings with your healthcare provider, especially if you’re sexually active and over 25.

The frequency of your prostate exams depends on your initial results. If your PSA levels are low and your DRE is normal, you may not need another exam for a couple of years. If there are concerns, your doctor might recommend annual screenings or additional testing.

Always get a second opinion if something feels off or if results are unclear. Your health is worth the extra step.

Taking Charge of Your Health

Beyond prostate exams, there are other ways to support prostate health. Regular exercise, a balanced diet rich in fruits and vegetables, and maintaining a healthy weight all contribute to lower cancer risk. Cut back on red meat, avoid tobacco, and keep alcohol consumption moderate.

And talk to your partner(s). Having open conversations about sexual health, aging, and medical care can build trust and encourage shared responsibility. Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or flying solo, having someone in your corner makes taking care of yourself a lot easier.

A Final Thought Worth Sitting With

Ignoring your prostate health doesn’t make you stronger—it makes you vulnerable. This isn’t about being dramatic. This is about being alive. You don’t wait until your car’s engine fails to get an oil change. Your body deserves the same kind of care and regular attention.

Get the appointment on the calendar. Set the reminder. Tell a friend. And if you’ve had one recently? Be that voice in your community. Normalize it. Talk about it. Laugh if you must—but make sure it happens.

Your Health Is Worth the Awkwardness

Taking care of your body isn’t weak, it’s wise. Prostate exams might not be glamorous, but they are lifesaving. Don’t let fear or stigma be the thing standing between you and decades more of healthy living. Start the conversation with your doctor and get proactive. You’re not just protecting your life—you’re setting an example. Share your story or drop a comment below with your own experience or advice—we want to hear from you.