Gay culture is incredibly rich and diverse and has a language all its own. Though the Internet has helped to diminish the sense of isolation that many gay people may have felt in the past, there’s still a certain code to online gay culture. 

Understanding a few basic gay terminologies, especially ones that will help you learn how to better communicate with gay men, can help you get more out of your online dating experience.

So whether you’re an old pro or just beginning to learn about gay sex, here is a look at some of the most common gay terminologies as we give you the low-down on the difference between top, bottom, and versatile

What Are the Gay Male Identities?

The most common gay male identities are Top, Bottom, and Verse. The definitions of each are relatively self-explanatory:

• The top is the person in charge and/or performing the sexual act.
• The bottom is the person taking control and/or receiving the sexual act.
• The verse is someone who can go either way. They are the sexual chameleons of the gay world.

There are, of course, endless variations of these identities, but these are the three that you are most likely to encounter. 

Top

When it comes to sex, the top is the one in charge. They are the ones doing the penetrating, and they are the one who is in control. This doesn’t mean that they are always the ones with the bigger ego, but they traditionally hold more power in the sexual encounter. 

They are the ones who are asked to “top” and, as such, tend to have a more dominant personality. A top can also be referred to as a “pitcher” in colloquial terms. Also worth noting is the term “stone top” or “total top”, which refers to a situation where one only prefers to “give” during sex and not receive.

This role can be both mentally and physically demanding, so it might not be everyone’s cup of tea. But for those who enjoy it, it can be a very rewarding experience.

Bottom 

The bottom, also known as the catcher, is the person who takes the receiving role during anal sex. They’re the ones who are penetrated by the top. However, this shouldn’t mean that they’re less powerful or in control. They are basically not the ones doing the penetrating. 

In fact, the bottom can be in charge of the situation, setting the pace and telling the top what feels good, which in this case, one is referred to as a “power bottom.” He directs the top on how to go about the sex and is very local when done wrong. 

There’s a lot of trust and communication that needs to happen for anal sex to be enjoyable for both partners, and the bottom is a crucial part of that.

Versatile

The term “verse” is typically used to describe someone who is versatile — capable of taking either role during sex depending on the partner and the situation. Some people might use the term “versatile” to describe someone who is not strictly monogamous and is willing to bottom for one person and top for another.

Versatility is highly prized in the gay community, as it allows for a greater range of sexual experiences. Verse guys may also enjoy performing other activities, such as oral sex, analingus, or frottage, depending on their sexual preferences. Basically, they’re down for anything and everything.

How to figure out your type

Figuring out your type is essential for anyone who wants to communicate with other gay men. There are a few ways to determine someone’s type, the most common being through their preferences. 

Preferences are determined by what someone enjoys during sex. Do you prefer to take charge and be the penetrator? Or do you like to be the one who is penetrated? Or maybe you’re someone who enjoys both equally? 

If you’re unsure of which role you want to play or want to be more versatile, here are a few tips: be open to new experiences, communicate with your partner, and experiment. There are no rules in the bedroom, so have fun and explore!