Changes are you know someone who identifies as LGBTQ. It could be a brother, co-worker, cousin, uncle, or neighbor. The LGBTQ community appreciates questions when you want to learn more about them, especially if you are on the path to being a true ally and are asking questions about what it’s like to attend a Pride parade or what a drag show is all about. However, unless you are a best friends, there are things you should never say to a gay man. 

1. I have the perfect guy for you!

Just because you know another gay person, it does not mean that we’re going to be a match. Gay relationships and friendships are just as complicated as what you’re going to wear out on Saturday night. It’s not easy. 

2. I love going to gay bars!

Yes, it’s true, gay bars are awesome spaces. They play great music, people dress and look fierce, there are drag queens, go go dancers, and over-the-top craziness. Please be mindful that gay bars are safer spaces for LGBTQ people to be surrounded by their community, and where they can be themselves. You’re welcome as a guest, but it’s not your space to crash with your bridesmaids or non-ally friends. 

3. Have you ever been with a girl? 

No one is asking you about your sexual history, and certainly you do not have the right to ask about ours. You many have one of those crazy stories about a night in college where you played a drinking game, or you tried experimenting. We love that for you. Past sexual experiences are in the past for a reason, and unless we want to talk openly about them, it’s best to leave the subject alone. Gay today, and that’s all you need to know. 

4. Can you help plan my wedding? 

Chances are, no, because not all LGBTQ people are successful event planners, and no one wants to be blamed for the most important day in your life. Hire a professional. 

5. You need to take me shopping!

It’s true, gay men have a fantastic sense of style; after all, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet doing nothing! However, while most queer people can coordinate and assemble an ensemble it doesn’t mean that we are all experts in women’s fashion. You should be consulting fashion influencers.

6. You’re just like one of the girls! 

Being gay doesn’t mean that you are feminine or not interested in masculine activities. It means that a gay man is attracted to another man. Not all gay men sit around drinking cosmos while watching RuPaul’s Drag Race. Some gay men love everything from watching hockey and mowing the lawn, to hiking and working on cars. 

If you are an LGBTQ person, is there a question or something that you constantly hear or are asked about that drives you crazy? Leave your comments below. We’d love to know what other annoying questions or comments are out there.