Do you ever open your favorite dating app to find that the guy of your dreams is wanting to go on a date? If so, you’ve probably happily accepted and now the date is set. That’s great news, but now what? As members of the LGBTQ+ community we need to be keenly aware of our surroundings and how our dates may turn out.
Sadly, LGBTQ+ hate crime is on the rise around the world. We should be prepared for anything that could happen when going out with someone. Nobody ever expects the worst, and you won’t have to if you follow these five simple rules when dating.
Beware of a catfish
Online dating remains one of the most popular ways of meeting new people. It connects the community in ways that weren’t possible even 20 years ago. Still, with the options of online dating it is important to keep an eye out for anything fishy. When dating online you should always ask your date to verify their identity before you meet them. That means, if the photo looks fake or too good to be true, it probably is. If it isn’t there’s no reason someone can’t send you a pic holding up a piece of paper with the date and time on it. If someone really wants to meet you, and it’s truly the person you’re talking with – they shouldn’t object. It’s very important that you ensure you’re talking to a real person because men have been attacked and raped using online dating apps by people catfishing them.
Always meet in a busy, public place
Before taking a trip to an unknown destination with someone you don’t know, or meeting in a back alleyway – why not consider a public place for meeting? Our community has a history of cruising and meeting in strange places to hookup. Sometimes people still partake in these acts, but if you’re dating, you’re likely wanting to get to know someone more intimately after knowing who they are. So, if you’re going to be dating someone make sure you go to a public place that is busy for the first meeting. Doing so you could avoid a situation that could put you in the hospital, or worst – end up killing you. Just keep in mind hate crimes that result in death from going with unknown people aren’t uncommon for our community. Not even 25 years ago Matthew Shepard was killed by some men he met in a bar after going with them from a public place.
Let a friend know where you’re going
So, of course you should meet at a public place, but that’s not always enough to keep you safe. Meeting in a public place doesn’t necessarily mean people will help you in the event of a problem. You should always let a friend know where you are going. If you’re not comfortable telling a friend, you are going to meet a guy just let them know where you will be and give them another reason. Remember, you are entitled to privacy, but safety should always be your top priority. Another great tip is to turn on location sharing on your cell phone and share it with a friend. Here’s how you share your location with a friend on iPhone or Android. When you share your location, it immediately allows friends to see where you are in the event of an emergency. You can also use SOS mode on your phone if you’re in immediate danger.
Trust your gut
Even though you’re on a date, you shouldn’t trust someone you just met completely. It’s not uncommon for the vibe to be off just a bit, but if you’re feeling like something is very strage – follow that intuition. Give yourself some time to adjust on a date. Meeting someone new is scary, but if that initial weariness does not go away soon you need to get to a place you feel safe.
Watch your drinks
Who doesn’t love a good cocktail? Getting drinks is a very common date idea in the gay community. Honestly, it almost seems absurd people would meet on a first date to see a move or grab dinner instead of grabbing a cocktail! If you find yourself on a drinks date you need to be mindful of who is getting your drinks. It’s a great idea to buy your own drinks until you know someone very well. Even if you do know them well, you should keep a close eye on your drinks. In recent years spiking drinks has become a huge issue and when a drink is spiked it usually leads to sexual assault as well.
What do you think about our list? Can you think of anything to add? We tried to be mindful of the world we live in, our culture, and how dating happens in the real world. An old-fashioned tip like, “don’t talk to strangers online” isn’t a rule much followed by people anymore. We left out this and tried to give real actionable tips for the 21st century. Let us know what you think and if you have anything to add in the comments below.
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Sadly, our present reality means that dating world for gay men can be murky and fraught with unknowns, including possible dangers. Situational awareness, being cautious and trusting your instincts are always good basics to follow and hopefully will translate to a good outcome.
Brian Webb is the founder and editor-in-chief of HomoCulture, a celebrated content creator, and winner of the prestigious Mr. Gay Canada – People’s Choice award.An avid traveler, Brian attends Pride events, festivals, street fairs, and LGBTQ friendly destinations through the HomoCulture Tour. He has developed a passion for discovering and sharing authentic lived experiences, educating about the LGBTQ community, and using both his photography and storytelling to produce inspiring content.Originally from the beautiful Okanagan Valley in the southern interior of British Columbia, Brian now lives in Vancouver, British Columbia. His personal interests include travel, photography, physical fitness, mixology, drag shows.
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Sadly, our present reality means that dating world for gay men can be murky and fraught with unknowns, including possible dangers.
Situational awareness, being cautious and trusting your instincts are always good basics to follow and hopefully will translate to a good outcome.